I’m going to write you a poem
A poem unlike any other
A poem that traverses oceans and countries
Climbs mountains and penetrates minds
A poem that searches without knowing
Piercing the hearts of those that search
The ones who search but haven’t found
A poem that will find you
Whispering in your ear:
“Find me”... “I search for you”
David Yanez
2-19-2011
Copyright 2011 David Yanez. All Rights Reserved.
How does someone just throw away a friendship?
Earned through trust and deep humiliation.
You were my sacred Sun Goddess
My best friend, my confidant, my muse,
We would talk all night, hold hands
Until your pain it had subsided.
I did my best to fight it off
But alas this love it took control.
I must insist, I did resist
The urge to let you know,
But it was in my nature
I could not resist
The need to let you know.
I fell in love with you my sweetie, how could I not?
You kept your distance
You didn’t want to know
Can’t he just be my friend?
Why did he have to tell me?
I tried to talk to you about it
I needed time to get over it
I said I was sorry
But you didn’t want to listen.
It’s what friends do they talk to one another
There is always a solution.
It is never too late.
Rumors spread
You lost your head
You took their word over mine
His friendship over me.
The truth is, I took the blame for things I did not say.
I was counting on our friendship meaning more than petty rumors
I thought I earned your respect and deserved your attention
I’m sorry, please forgive me; I’ll make it up to you I begged,
But you didn’t want to hear it.
You were all ready to move on, move on with your life
You were a once broken will of abandonment I nursed back to reality.
I was the fool, the humble lonely fool
That would have said anything just to keep your friendship.
The truth is you were never the friend
That I was to you.
Goodbye my friend
I really did love you
I will truly miss you.
How does someone just throw away a friendship?
Earned through trust and deep humiliation.
David Yanez
8-30-09
Copyright 2009 David Yanez. All Rights Reserved.
As she asked me this question I knew she had her doubts.
How can I be dating a Godless man?
I knew if the conversation continued the evening would soon be over
She on the defensive and I in frustrated bewilderment.
Why must they always question my moral principles?
I didn’t ask her whether she was a good and loving woman,
Or whether she could raise her child to be good, kind and compassionate.
I only saw a woman that I could possibly fall in love with.
Not because she was a Christian, but because the heart knows what it likes
Lets not talk about religion I said, as she hesitantly agreed.
My face flustered with embarrassment as I tried to hold my composure.
I had so much to say in response to her question,
But like always the words are never around when I need them.
I know what I want to say, but my brain is just too slow to retrieve.
I could fill pages and pages of thoughtful prose in response,
But like always the words are never around.
I could see in her eyes a glimmer of disappointment,
As the conversation shifted without a conversion.
He can’t be converted I read in her eyes.
I’ve been through much worst this life will attest.
For heaven sake why does this bother me at all?
Because I like her and I need her approval
I’m as good a man, as a man needs to be.
No baby mamas waiting on me
No abandoned children hating on me
Not afraid of commitment not afraid at all
Far from perfect I have my faults
Just give me a chance and you will see
That I am a man worthy of thee.
I will teach my child the golden rule.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto thee”
I will teach my child the laws of ethical behavior
Passed down from our ancestors to the modern generation.
From Moses to Mandela
From Socrates to Martin Luther King
If they slap your cheek then give them the other.
Forgiveness my child compassion without reward
Cast not the first stone lest thee be without sin.
Judge not my child and preserve your life at all costs,
But give it for the ones you love and only as a last resort.
Oppression abounds and evil runs amok
The universe will kill you unless you are aware.
Let reason be your guide don’t get lost in delusion
The more you know the better your chances of survival.
Unfortunately my child with knowledge comes responsibility
Responsibility to the meek, the poor and the sick.
Freedom my child, preserve it for all at all costs
The price of freedom is high, often paid with by blood.
Spill not any blood let your conscience be your guide
I have faith in you my child; do what’s in your heart.
But most of all, live this life as were it the only
The only life you will ever know.
And if by chance you awake in another
Then live that life as were it the only.
Love thy father and thy mother, thy brothers and thy sisters.
Love your friends and all strangers, the creatures on which you depend
The planet the universe and all in which we live.
For it is our Mother and our Father, of which we know not.
From one seed we sprang, and many we have become.
We are all, and all is one.
Some call it God some call it the Universe
It is for you to decide my child
The world is before thee.
Have faith in your character your ability to succeed.
You carry within you the blood of your mother.
Respect her needs, her need to have faith.
Cause her no heartbreak; just make her proud.
We love you my child your life is what you make it.
David Yanez
2-25-10
Copyright 2010 David Yanez. All Rights Reserved.
If I could go back in time
Would the bottle still sing me to sleep?
If I could go back in time
Would Marguerite still capture my heart?
Could I save my brother from crack?
If I could go back in time
Would the memory of my only girlfriend
Be enough to draw me back?
Would my illness still exist?
Would my art still sing the blues?
Would my mind still race a thousand miles a minute?
Would I still befriend an angel with razor sharp wings?
Could I teach the angel to fly?
Fly beneath the earth where pain over powers thought.
Take me to a place where pain does not exist.
Let the condors feed upon my body.
Let me see the world with the warm wind beneath my wings.
Take me to the beginning of time
So I may witness your God in action.
So I may witness the struggle to exist in the quantum
And the struggle to organize in the cosmic.
Rip out my brain and squeeze out my heart,
For I am the giver of pain to those who love me,
The maker of art for those who know not,
For I am a destroyer of Gods in a world of Demons.
Oh Sweet little angle timeless and beauty
Watch over my body
Watch over my bones
For my soul is about to sin far greater than before
As it rips out the hearts of their ever loving Gods.
Forgive me my angel
Forgive me my wife
Forgive me my family
And all who no not
But this is your heaven
And this is your Hell
And only one life was given to us.
David Yanez
December of 1994
I hear poetry in the distance
Far away beyond my ability to make sense
I close my eyes and wait for my limbic brain to settle.
My temporal lobe teams with activity of what was.
Memories of a recent past pumps the heart faster through the night
Flashes of her features still make occasional appearances in and out of focus.
Not just hers but occasionally all the women I ever loved.
Why do we forget the things that mean nothing to us?
And remember the things we long to forget.
The sound of my heartbeat keeps me up at night
Forget her she’s gone, they’ve all gone away.
Just empty my mind here as I lay.
Focus on the sound of nothing at all.
Stop clinging to my desires can’t you just forget?
Empty the mind of what was or could have been.
Just sleep and rest and soon the memories will subside.
Why do we forget the things that mean nothing to us?
And remember the things we long to forget.
The darkness is filled with the lights in my head.
Sounds and memories in and out of existence
Quantum workings of the mind gone wrong
Concentrate on nothing don’t think at all.
Sleep don’t think, sleep don’t think
The brightness overwhelms me deep in the night
The hours go by, I toss and turn
No end in sight no sleep at all.
Why do we forget the things that mean nothing to us?
And remember the things we long to forget.
I hear poetry in the distance...
Don’t think... Don’t think...
Closer and closer...There’s poetry in my mind...
Don’t think... Don’t think...
Don’t think of her...
David Yanez
6-27-09
Copyright 2009 David Yanez. All Rights Reserved.
She was a firefly that fell from the sky.
Her eyes were in need her fire it grew dim.
On and off her fire did flicker in nervous attempts to hold on to life.
Get up little firefly your wings are ok
Your beauty is not damaged
Your fire is still there.
It is only your heart that has taken a blow
Poor little firefly your mate he has gone.
Hold my wings and hug my body
This ride is rough but I’ll see you through it.
All you need is a little more fuel,
To glow once again like nature intended
I will be your friend, as you desire
All I want is to replenish your fire.
Take my fuel I need very little
My fire has faded a long time ago.
Take my fuel it will make you stronger,
Take my advice my words of encouragement.
You are an amazing beacon of hope
Take my fuel I need it no longer
Just hold my wing and tell me your stories
I’ll tell you mine, and hope you will see
That your pain isn’t as bad, as others might be.
Days go by weeks become months
She shines like Venus the bright morning star.
Her fire is strong my fuel it did work
She flies like a vision an angel I would say,
The males grow restless they signal they glow
There goes a male and there goes another.
She is the brightest fly of them all
She flickers her light
She loves the attention.
Enjoy it my friend you truly deserve it
Take your time don’t rush don’t get hurt.
Be happy first; be happy with yourself
Love will come, how could it not
I’m so proud of you, so happy, so glad
Your fine now my friend, fly off to your life.
Forget me now I cannot fly any longer
My fire is out my fuel it is gone.
I gave it to you when I fell in love
I fell in love with you my sweetie how could I not.
I needed to love you it gave me the strength
To comfort you to help you through it
But now, this love I sacrifice for you
Fly off my friend I can’t hold you back.
Just know that this firefly will always be here
Looking at the sky and watching you shine.
I will be here for you incase you get damaged
Just give me some time I always recover.
My fuel is in knowing that you are just fine
My fuel is in knowing I did something right
I helped you my friend to get on with your life
My fire will shine that you may find me
Whenever you need me I’ll be here for you.
David Yanez
May 3, 2009
Copyright 2009 David Yanez. All Rights Reserved.
Close your eyes,
And imagine a solitude so vast, black and eternal.
Without light sound or cold.
Without anything that we know in existence.
Without energy or matter.
Take away all, which exists, and that which existed in the past.
Take away the cosmos.
Take away your mind and the consciousness of the world.
Take away the concept of solitude,
Which cannot exist in the infinite void of nothingness.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, no Gods nor God.
How horrible was the time before time without time.
Behold the black void of nothingness.
The torment of eternal black, from which we all emerged,
Silent, maddening, alone, unable to stand itself, loses control to Chaos.
A Cosmic spec, a Quantum vibration, tiny as the mind can ever imagine,
Soon to become all which exists and all that we are,
Violently escapes into existence.
Chaos was the instant that forced existence upon us.
Will is the fire, which keeps existence free.
And the black void of nothingness surrounds that, which exists,
Pushing inwards from all directions,
Trying to suffocate the furious fire, which expands outwards,
Burning the boundaries of the void, growing uncontrollably.
A chaotic mess of existence unknowingly transforms after every obstacle it overcomes,
Adapting, dying, adapting.
Unwilling, is the fire to give up time and space.
Rewriting the equation science believes to exist, E=MC2 x (The will to exist).
And Chaos gives rise to order,
And order gives rise to complexity,
And the variety is incredible.
Let there be the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force, gravity.
Let there be atoms and stars and planets and galaxies,
All working together without knowing,
Existing for themselves as part of the whole.
And death, destruction and transformation await them all,
But not without a fight.
And in the hour of their transformation,
Unknowingly, in a desperate attempt to keep the whole in existence,
Natural selection takes over
Lending themselves their atoms, their forces, their will.
Creating individuals more and more complex.
Each individual has more will to exist, more power to survive.
And the unknown forces kill and destroy,
Change and transform,
All that we know, and all that we don't.
Uncertainty is the law, which governs the fate of the whole.
Uncertainty leads to probabilities,
Which leads to outcomes and variety,
Which leads to life.
The plants the animals, for the first time can witness the wonder of it all.
How beautiful it is to feel,
To feel the warmth of the sun,
The cold of the night, the love of your life
How cruel, is the pain, which gives us the will to exist or the hopes to die.
How beautiful is our compassion and the need to end the pain.
Give me all that comes with existence.
Give me the good and the bad,
The rich and the poor, love and hate,
The abundant and the scarce, war and peace, the strong and the weak
Give me all and its opposite, the yin and the yang.
Give it to me, so that I may choose the right from the wrong.
Give me all that exists and all that has existed and put it into my mind,
So that I may know what life is,
To share it with the rest
With those who can’t enjoy it
With those who suffer incorrigibly and those who are the animals.
The ones who have no voice
The ones who have to retreat,
To where the water is still clean and the grass can still grow,
And the forest can still keep out the beast,
Which is man, modern Neolithic,
Destroyer of there wills creator of their destiny.
Give me the power to understand.
Give me the curiosity of a child.
Why? How? And for what purpose?
I need to know if the destiny of the whole, which is the universe,
Justifies the suffering of the one or the many.
Give me the power to lend my mind to the people,
My heart to their hearts, my blood to their veins
Give me the agonizing need to know, in a world full of vices, cruelty and beauty.
Give me my pain,
Which is my will to exist, my need to escape it, my desire to be free and happy.
Give me my pain,
Which feeds upon my body and drinks upon my blood,
And gnaws without mercy upon my mind.
Give it to me.
As that which gives me hope,
To love, to live, to care for,
To finally understand, Why? How? And for what purpose?
This is my mind. Alive!
Struggling to exist against that which will destroy it.
Weak, strong, weak, strong, weaker
To be, or not to be, has always been the question.
Unwilling is my mind to surrender to insanity,
That which destroys the very essence of thyself
I will not fade into the void of nothingness.
I will not take my life without a fight.
I will resist the black void, which fills my heart and empties my mind,
And slowly dims the fire, my will, my reason to live.
I must resist with all my heart, and all my mind.
Dear Bertrand Russell,
You took away my soul, but my heart-mind still exists.
And reality can take away my God,
It can take away my soul,
It can take away my happiness,
It can take away my beautiful loves.
Oh reality, you can fill me with all the suffering in the world,
But I’ll never,
I will not,
I must not,
Give up my life,
Which is my sanity,
Which is my Heaven
Which is my Hell.
This is the universe. Alive!
A magnificent enormous being,
Which grows within the black void of nothingness.
Why? To exist!
How? I don’t know
For what purpose? To live!
We are that which exists,
Within that which exists,
Within that which is nothing.
And when the time comes and our universe is near its end,
We the universe, which are one and the same,
Will once again find a way to escape,
To escape the black void,
And give birth to a new fire, a new universe, a new existence!
And the noise of my heartbeat surrounds my mind,
Pushing inwards from all directions.
Boom Boom, Boom Boom, Boom Boom,
Sounds the monster of the void.
What is it, which torments me in my sleep?
And the tears, the fear, the sweat, the cold, the pain, the nightmares,
Mommy… Mommy… Ma…
Boom Boom, Boom Boom, Boom Boom,
Wake up my son.
Wake up my beautiful little boy.
And the sweet voice of my mother pulled me out of my tormented dream.
What were you dreaming about my son?
The Monsters mommy, the Monsters.
I was a five-year-old boy, dreaming about the whole.
Dreaming about the Universe,
And its eternal struggle to exist, against the Black Void of Nothingness.
David Yanez