Close your eyes,
And imagine a solitude so vast, black and eternal.
Without light sound or cold.
Without anything that we know in existence.
Without energy or matter.
Take away all, which exists, and that which existed in the past.
Take away the cosmos.
Take away your mind and the consciousness of the world.
Take away the concept of solitude,
Which cannot exist in the infinite void of nothingness.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, no Gods nor God.
How horrible was the time before time without time.
Behold the black void of nothingness.
The torment of eternal black, from which we all emerged,
Silent, maddening, alone, unable to stand itself, loses control to Chaos.
A Cosmic spec, a Quantum vibration, tiny as the mind can ever imagine,
Soon to become all which exists and all that we are,
Violently escapes into existence.
Chaos was the instant that forced existence upon us.
Will is the fire, which keeps existence free.
And the black void of nothingness surrounds that, which exists,
Pushing inwards from all directions,
Trying to suffocate the furious fire, which expands outwards,
Burning the boundaries of the void, growing uncontrollably.
A chaotic mess of existence unknowingly transforms after every obstacle it overcomes,
Adapting, dying, adapting.
Unwilling, is the fire to give up time and space.
Rewriting the equation science believes to exist, E=MC2 x (The will to exist).
And Chaos gives rise to order,
And order gives rise to complexity,
And the variety is incredible.
Let there be the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force, gravity.
Let there be atoms and stars and planets and galaxies,
All working together without knowing,
Existing for themselves as part of the whole.
And death, destruction and transformation await them all,
But not without a fight.
And in the hour of their transformation,
Unknowingly, in a desperate attempt to keep the whole in existence,
Natural selection takes over
Lending themselves their atoms, their forces, their will.
Creating individuals more and more complex.
Each individual has more will to exist, more power to survive.
And the unknown forces kill and destroy,
Change and transform,
All that we know, and all that we don't.
Uncertainty is the law, which governs the fate of the whole.
Uncertainty leads to probabilities,
Which leads to outcomes and variety,
Which leads to life.
The plants the animals, for the first time can witness the wonder of it all.
How beautiful it is to feel,
To feel the warmth of the sun,
The cold of the night, the love of your life
How cruel, is the pain, which gives us the will to exist or the hopes to die.
How beautiful is our compassion and the need to end the pain.
Give me all that comes with existence.
Give me the good and the bad,
The rich and the poor, love and hate,
The abundant and the scarce, war and peace, the strong and the weak
Give me all and its opposite, the yin and the yang.
Give it to me, so that I may choose the right from the wrong.
Give me all that exists and all that has existed and put it into my mind,
So that I may know what life is,
To share it with the rest
With those who can’t enjoy it
With those who suffer incorrigibly and those who are the animals.
The ones who have no voice
The ones who have to retreat,
To where the water is still clean and the grass can still grow,
And the forest can still keep out the beast,
Which is man, modern Neolithic,
Destroyer of there wills creator of their destiny.
Give me the power to understand.
Give me the curiosity of a child.
Why? How? And for what purpose?
I need to know if the destiny of the whole, which is the universe,
Justifies the suffering of the one or the many.
Give me the power to lend my mind to the people,
My heart to their hearts, my blood to their veins
Give me the agonizing need to know, in a world full of vices, cruelty and beauty.
Give me my pain,
Which is my will to exist, my need to escape it, my desire to be free and happy.
Give me my pain,
Which feeds upon my body and drinks upon my blood,
And gnaws without mercy upon my mind.
Give it to me.
As that which gives me hope,
To love, to live, to care for,
To finally understand, Why? How? And for what purpose?
This is my mind. Alive!
Struggling to exist against that which will destroy it.
Weak, strong, weak, strong, weaker
To be, or not to be, has always been the question.
Unwilling is my mind to surrender to insanity,
That which destroys the very essence of thyself
I will not fade into the void of nothingness.
I will not take my life without a fight.
I will resist the black void, which fills my heart and empties my mind,
And slowly dims the fire, my will, my reason to live.
I must resist with all my heart, and all my mind.
Dear Bertrand Russell,
You took away my soul, but my heart-mind still exists.
And reality can take away my God,
It can take away my soul,
It can take away my happiness,
It can take away my beautiful loves.
Oh reality, you can fill me with all the suffering in the world,
But I’ll never,
I will not,
I must not,
Give up my life,
Which is my sanity,
Which is my Heaven
Which is my Hell.
This is the universe. Alive!
A magnificent enormous being,
Which grows within the black void of nothingness.
Why? To exist!
How? I don’t know
For what purpose? To live!
We are that which exists,
Within that which exists,
Within that which is nothing.
And when the time comes and our universe is near its end,
We the universe, which are one and the same,
Will once again find a way to escape,
To escape the black void,
And give birth to a new fire, a new universe, a new existence!
And the noise of my heartbeat surrounds my mind,
Pushing inwards from all directions.
Boom Boom, Boom Boom, Boom Boom,
Sounds the monster of the void.
What is it, which torments me in my sleep?
And the tears, the fear, the sweat, the cold, the pain, the nightmares,
Mommy… Mommy… Ma…
Boom Boom, Boom Boom, Boom Boom,
Wake up my son.
Wake up my beautiful little boy.
And the sweet voice of my mother pulled me out of my tormented dream.
What were you dreaming about my son?
The Monsters mommy, the Monsters.
I was a five-year-old boy, dreaming about the whole.
Dreaming about the Universe,
And its eternal struggle to exist, against the Black Void of Nothingness.
David Yanez
I wrote this after separating from my ex-wife
Copyright 2009 David Yanez. All Rights Reserved.
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